I’m sitting downstairs in the partially finished basement area that was at one point supposed to be my office. But then reality sank in that having a child and having an “office” that is in the basement don’t work well together. Being in complete pain and going through physical therapy after having said child also made the basement a bad decision. So here I sit, wondering why I didn’t clean this place out sooner. Why did it take me until we were selling the house and everything had to be cleaned to make this a usable space? I think part of it has been that up until now I’ve wanted to watch television in my time off from the munhkin and now silence is golden.
There have been so many things on my mind in the past few weeks. I’m scared and uncertain about moving to NC. I’m excited, but there are so many things I haven’t figured out yet. That’s just on my half of what is going on. I think there is a lot of general anxiety about taking this next step and being done with residency. I can completly understand that. It’s a frightening prospect to step out into the real world for the first time. There have been a ton of articles about this recently in the NY Times because we are hitting the 5 year anniversary of the change in rules about how many hours a week residents can work. Looking at this from the perspective of a resident’s wife is definitely interesting. I’m torn on both sides. I don’t want to entrust my life or any loved one’s life to a doctor who is so exhausted that they drive with the attention of someone who is legally drunk. But on the filp side, there are also those who argue that doctors are not in fact being trained as well, partially due to the need to hand off patients when the work day is done. There also is apparently an increase in doctors of all varieties that are less confident in their skills, due in part from the doctors who train them not giving them the chance to fail and then actually training them when they do (note – training does not mean yelling at them and demoralizing them). So leaving the somewhat bumpy bubble of residency is to walk a fine line between excitement and fear.
We’ve been trying to do more then just fret about the future though. I’ve actually gotten to see a few movies recently. Although I miss old time Hollywood classics. I think I’m going to have to start watching those again – movies that were made for enjoyment, not box office numbers and possible Oscar wins. Somehow the movie industry has got it all backwards. Or maybe they are just giving the public what they want. Somehow it’s a chicken before the egg question. But I don’t care about big Hollywood names. My movies don’t have to have some special lesson to be a good film. I thought Milk was a fabulous, but it could have been a tad shorter. I did learn a vast amount of information and history from it. I wish it had come out sooner, there were so many parts of Prop 6 that echoed the recent Prop 8. We also finally got to see Slumdog Millionaire which was also good, but honestly, I’m not sure why it won the award. We both walked out of that film wondering what we missed since everyone had been raving that it was the best movie they had seen in a long time.
Other than that, I guess I’ve been in escapism mode. Life is tough right now. There are lots of things I don’t want to talk about and I definitely can’t write about. If you’re a friend and I haven’t been around as much or simply haven’t called as frequently, just give me time and I’ll come around. I know my friends and family are around to give love and support.