Posted by: michelle @ books my kids read | January 29, 2010

growing up is hard to do

I’m almost 35. I have been married for 5 years. I have a 3-year-old little girl. I haven’t lived with my parents since I was 18. But sometimes I feel like I still haven’t grown up. Sometimes I feel like I am still a child. It’s a really odd conundrum. I know that I am an adult and have all the adult responsibilities, but still there is something missing.

I look at my other adult friends and oddly it seems like they are further along than I am. My friends have settled down more and that seems like something more “adult.” But we’ve been in a transition period for a long time. First there was the transitional period of residency and now we are in my husband’s first job out and the question that hangs over our head about whether this is where we want to stay long-term. Since we still own a house in KS (blah!) there isn’t exactly a huge rush to go out and buy a new one and I think that this has left me feeling like I still haven’t gotten much past dorm life. Granted, these are material things, but sometimes the material things help you get a sense of who/where you are. Am I crazy in thinking this? That a couch that isn’t falling apart that was purchased 10 years ago for $250 helps you feel grown up? I think we often look at other people and wonder if the grass is greener over there, but we do all face our own issues.

But aside from the material things, there is the other side. I think that since I don’t work in an office anymore, even though I do work, there isn’t the routine and normalcy of an “adult” word. I communicate with adults, but it isn’t the same. And I have a much harder time making myself focus. There are so many easy distractions when working at home, and the truth is that I work part time and a lot of the time I’m waiting around to see if anyone needs me. So far, no one has needed me today, but next week is going to be crazy busy. It’s almost like I have to write a to-do list to even keep my house clean to get the strange satisfaction of marking something off. I want to be the lazy teenager who just sits around and reads books or watches tv, but I can’t. I’m the wife and mommy who has to keep the house clean, keep everyone happy, cook nutritious meals etc.

Finally, it seems like our society just doesn’t encourage people to grow up anymore. Facebook and Twitter were designed for kids and now we are all addicted. Okay, not all of us, but a really large number including me. I also don’t think I ever really learned how to keep a house. This is something that we watch our moms do and we are supposed to just suck it all up, but apparently, I was too busy doing other things. I hate cleaning the house. I’m not very good at it. I also have a short attention span, which I think can be seen from the tangents I’m constantly jumping to and fro in this blog. I know that personally I need to learn to turn off all the technology and find my inner peace. With that in mind, I’m off to clean the house.



  1. Smile.
    I find blasting music with lots of swearing to really help with the house cleaning.
    Have you heard of the book Home Comforts? It taught me how to clean house. Good stuff.

  2. Hadn’t heard of that book, but it is now on my list of things to read 🙂 I always seem to get caught up doing something else like reorganizing.

  3. I don’t feel like an adult either. Since I’ve been feeling this way for a while, I sort of figured that’s what everyone feels like. 🙂

    I know this post isn’t just about cleaning house, but I like this site:

    The FlyLady is kind of crazy and bizarre, but I get a digest of the emails each day. I love what she stresses–baby steps, and not feeling like your house has to be perfect. This is the problem with which I still struggle: if I can’t spend hours cleaning, I use it as an excuse to not do it. This site insists on just a little bit at a time. I still suck at cleaning consistently, but I’m getting better at taking babysteps.

  4. I can relate! (And I only have a dog-baby, not a human child). I’m a terrible housekeeper and I don’t cook.

    I’m semi-reassured that even the marrieds and parents don’t feel entirely grown up. 🙂

  5. Yeah, it seems like no one feels grown up. What a funny world we live in.

  6. i have been thinking about this a lot myself, as i feel like i am on the threshold of something totally different. and part of me thinks of how i will miss my life in midtown. and part of me feels strangely ashamed that at 27 having had no real success or ever even leaving the town i am from i am ready to pack up things and head to the suburbs.

    when being 27 is a lovely and totally acceptable age to be falling in love and settling down i still feel like i am too young.
    when my cousin, who is now 36 had her first child at 26 my granny called her “an older mother”.

    god. this is my subject and you know i could write all night about it…
    you make a very true and very well put point…and now i will go to my own blog 🙂

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